Midway through Passover, I look with anticipation towards the “widening place.” The narrow places feel easy to see and acknowledge; I’ve felt the impact of ongoing violence, the threats of antisemitism, and the divides between neighbors all intensely this year. Visualizing freedom and safety can at times feel more difficult.
Thus, I am grateful to be surrounded in this community by wisdom and guidance. This year Families Bridging Kindness, a group of family members and survivors of Oct. 27th dedicated to bringing support and care to others who have experienced traumatic loss, invited 10.27 Healing Partnership staff to a 2 for Seder event at Temple Emanuel.
2 for Seder is a project spearheaded by Marnie Fienberg that encourages inviting two guests who have never been to a Passover Seder before to their first Seder as a grassroots way to combat antisemitism. Marnie’s mother-in-law, Joyce Fienberg, was killed in the Oct. 27th synagogue shooting.
“In a personal way, 2 for Seder is about Joyce,” says Marnie. “I’ve always been so impressed by the ways that the families from Oct. 27th have done something to honor those who died in a way that impacts others. Whether it was a beautiful garden, Love like the Boys, or all the different things people do in memory, I feel like I’m following in that tradition with 2 for Seder.”
ADL and AJC surveys show that in the United States, only 50% of people report knowing a Jewish person. Marnie says that this reminds her of how small the Jewish community is, but also inspired the 2 for Seder project. “If you invite two people every year to this intimate, exciting, joyous experience with a Jewish family,” says Marnie, “it begins to eat away at that 50% problem.”
2 for Seder is Marnie’s way of practicing tikkun olam. While she recognizes that no one individual can fix antisemitism, she says that 2 for Seder is something that Jewish people can do consistently every year to chip away at the issue.
Jodi Kart, whose father Melvin Wax was killed on October 27th, is a member of Families Bridging Kindness and was one of the leaders at Temple Emanuel’s community seder.
“Marnie’s idea for 2 for Seder is fantastic,” says Jodi. “For me, 2 for Seder represents throwing the net as far as you can to build community. It was beautiful to look around the full tables at the community seder at Temple Emanuel and see Marnie’s seed of an idea that she planted over five years ago growing and flourishing.” Jodi’s role at the community seder was to help lead those who were unfamiliar with the Seder through the different processes and answer questions and lead discussions as they came up. Jodi was happy to share the traditions and give others a glimpse of what it means to her to be Jewish. She believes that learning by experience is the best way to learn, which is something she appreciates about the 2 for Seder model.
Jodi hopes in the future to learn about other religions in the same way as she’s been able to share about her Jewishness through 2 for Seder.
“Even within a religion we have so many different ways of celebrating,” says Jodi. “Figuring out what feels right to us and speaks to our souls goes to the core of who we are as humans. These differences are what make the world so interesting and so unique.”
I loved attending the community Seder, and I got to see Marnie and Jodi’s work blossom into conversations and laughter at tables of people who have allied with our 10/27 related community. It helped inspire me to envision what the future could be like in a world where we embrace the ideals of 2 for Seder, of respect and love for the differences that make us unique.
Marnie knows that this year may be a difficult one for sharing your Jewish traditions with your friends. This year she has fielded a lot of questions that have been different from past years about how to host 2 for Seder events; namely, how to hold a seder dinner without having it be fully derailed with arguments about current events. Marnie’s approach, as she utilized in the 2 for Seder at Temple Emanuel, is to acknowledge that talking about these things is important and that they weigh heavily on all of us, but to set ground rules that urge participants to use the seder dinner for what it is meant to be—a time to celebrate what is joyous about Judaism.
“People don’t usually understand other religions well,” says Marnie. “They can take classes and understand some things intellectually, but a seder dinner is special and unique, and gets to the heart of who we are as Jews. It’s so joyous, and such a wonderful connection from the past to the present. When someone isn’t Jewish and shares in this warm experience, when they see antisemitism in their lives maybe they will react differently. Maybe since they now have opened the door to talking about Judaism with your family that they shared a seder with, they can reach out and ask you questions. Or maybe with the foundation and experiences they’ve shared with you, now they will stand up and push back against antisemitism.”
Trust waxes and wanes, Marnie acknowledges, but she notes that if you don’t try, you only feel more scared. Without building relationships, you become isolated and feel worse. “You still have to try. You don’t have a choice,” she says. “If you give up, that’s when you’ve really lost.”
“Especially since Oct. 27th, I often think about what divides us,” says Jodi. “I wish we could find a way to know our neighbors a little bit more. They might not be your best friend and you might not have a lot in common with them, but we all have humanity in common. I wish we could find a way to focus on that; we are all struggling. I want to find basic ways, like breaking bread and sharing a table, that helps us embrace our differences rather than being afraid or jealous. I want to be part of things that unite us and bring us together as people.”
As Marnie said, 2 for Seder, Families Bridging Kindness, REACH, and Love like the Boys are only some of the many diverse projects that families and survivors have brought into the world. Following the terrible act of violent antisemitism that led to the murders on Oct. 27, 2018, families and survivors have opened these meaningful doors of learning and understanding that previously seemed invisible. It takes work to find these widening spaces, but Marnie and so many more from our community remind me that it is work with immense reward.
We are excited to be holding more programming in the next several months in the South Hills JCC. You can learn about all of our programming on our website’s calendar. As always, the 10.27 Healing Partnership center is open from 9am-5pm on weekdays for drop-in visitors and peer support. We will be closed in celebration of Passover on Monday April 29th.